It's been a while.
In fact, I sat in my bed and told God that last week.
You know those long months that we call a "dry spell"?
Well, it's truthful for me to tell you that it's been about two… or more if I'm really honest with myself.
Last January, I made a commitment to be more consistent in my disciplines, character, and response to God's goodness over my life. It lasted a good 4 months then I hit a dip in the roller coaster of life.
Is there truth behind the statement that life will always be a roller coaster? There could be. But does it really have to be? Should we simply claim that truth and get on with our lives? That's what we often do, don't we? I often passively combat the spiritual battles going on in my life – and just go with them. This fails to pull out the roots and I find myself in a sick cycle carousel saying "hello" once again to things I thought I broke off.
Throughout the years, I have developed the psyche that I will discipline myself to steward my life well but have forgotten about sitting still.
To be honest, I get wrapped up in the ride of life and put my hands in the air waiting on the high of life. I enjoy it while it lasts, then seemingly find myself in the midst of another heart dropping dip as I let the discouragement of life distract me from what's most important – intimacy with Jesus.
This past week was one of those complete heart dropping moments. I was unexpectedly shattered and paralyzed, not knowing what to do – at complete loss because I could do nothing to "fix it". I began to dig deep and realized that I am much more of a mess that I thought. I often seek for fulfillment and affirmation in personal relationships, which is me seeking to let others fulfill a longing that God has sought to fill all along.
Hold me to it, I'm being asked to sit in His presence and let that be enough.
To be honest, I'm not so sure if I know what that looks like for more than a few months at a time…
I refuse to passively combat the spiritual battle any longer.
I refuse to say, "It's been a while, God" one more time.
