Last Monday, I spent the evening at a local coffee shop with two friends, simply enjoying the breath of life we so call Jesus that thrives deep within the other.
"Well, it's 9 o'clock. I better get going. I've got an early morning tomorrow and I want to hit the sack soon," I murmured as I stood to my feet with hands in my pockets.
"Thanks for everything! Y'all have a good night!" we joyfully told the Baristas as we hit the door.
"Excuse me ma'am, could I bother you for a few bucks? I'm hungry."
"I can't give you money," Sarah politefully responded, "but can I buy you some food from inside?"
"No. I'd rather not" she quickly remarked.
"Why not?" I said, "They have really good food here."
"I've eaten in there before and I'd just rather not" she remarked with a stern voice.
Before I could respond with a "sorry" and walk about my way, Sarah beat me to it…
"Well, what would you like to eat?"
"McDonalds. How about McDonalds? Is that okay? I'm sorry. I'm so ashamed to ask for help."
I was shocked.
McDonalds?
Really?
Here's your shot for some good food and you choose McDonalds?
Without hesitation, Sarah looked deep into her heart and said, "Sure it's okay! I'd love to buy you McDonalds! … Why don't you hop in the car with us, we'll take you to the nearest McDonalds. Is that okay?"
Upon arrival, we hopped out of the car and made our way to the counter.
Sarah joyfully told her to get whatever she wanted.
"Whatever I want, really? You mean I can get as much as I want?"
"Yep, you sure can!" Sarah told her with a loving smile, "Get whatever you want – anything. Really."
She ordered two Big Mac meals, one for now and one for later.
What happened next is what blew my heart to pieces.
We sat down and started to chat as this homeless stranger ate and apologized for being worthless over and over again.
Worthless.
After a few minutes of asking questions and getting past the superficial spiel she had seemingly given a hundred times before, she looked me in the eyes and said, "Sir. Sir! Can I just go ahead and tell you the truth? I don't even want this food. I'm not even hungry. Let me ask you, why didn't you just give me the money and walk away when I asked?"
"To be honest, I see it abused a lot. I personally know people that do the same thing and use that money not for food but for alcohol and drugs. The last time I went to hang out at the bridge I was told, 'We don't want you here unless you have meat or money.' I don't want to feed the cycle. That doesn't help. I'd rather show you that it's not about getting yours. I'd rather give you something that lasts…"
"Sir, all I wanted was to take that money and buy me some beer and cigarettes. I really wanna get drunk so I can fall asleep tonight. I'm human. I'm f****d up, I know. But hey, I'm human."
"Why do you do that, get drunk?" (I knew why, but wanted to hear it from her.)
We both said at the same time, me as a question, her as a statement: "To drown it out."
"Let me go ahead and tell you, I used to be a crack whore. I would sell p***y just to get by and then use the money for drugs. Then I would buy alcohol with the rest to get drunk just so I could drown out who I've become and do it all over again the next day. I'm worthless. I'm useless trash… I know what I really need. What I really need is Jesus…"
What she didn't know is that we were with this man that she spoke of needing so desperately.
But she didn't think He heard her.
"People say that Jesus hears our prayers, but if He really does, why am I still like this? Why am I still a f****d up piece of trash? I'm trash. I'm useless. I'm so sorry to be telling y'all all this, but I'm human. I know, I'm f****d up. Hey, I'm human!"
For the next 15 minutes, we heard it all, the completely uncensored, unrehearsed story of this little woman who had been on the streets since she was a teen. We got it all, the vulgar details that would break any normal human being's heart.
She was apologetic and torn, sitting before us numb to the world.
According to her, life was useless – she might as well give up now.
I looked her in the eyes and told her, "You know, you're right. You should just give up."
She, of course, asked what I meant.
I, of course, gave her Jesus.
If I'm to be honest, I have no idea what I said.
It was all Holy Spirit from then on out…
As we wrapped up the night, the girls breathed some life into her, told her her worth, prayed over her, encouraged her, listened of how this wasn't at all what she had expected, then we dropped her off at her "home" under the bridge.
You see, we could have said "no" and kept on walking, but that didn't happen.
Let's take a look at some stark truths here… (stay with me, I'm almost done)
1) This woman was panhandling and looking for money to help her drown out her present realities.
2) I'm sure she has been on the streets since she was about 14 years old, she probably was raped at the age of 8, and she most likely was, and maybe still is a crack whore.
But we can't let the fact that she was panhandling and trying to drown out her present realities supersede her current state and what Jesus says she really needs. We can't let what we see overwrite what the Father sees. Here lies a chance to breathe freedom.
At the end of the night, she couldn't understand why three strangers would do such a thing for her.
She thought we bought her a meal that went to waste, but in all actuality,
We bought her time,
We gave her Jesus,
And may, just may, have bought her life.
